Rehab

The Hard Rock Café Pool Party

For a pool party, there is very little swimming going on at the Hard Rock Café Hotel and Casino’s Sunday summer bash, “Rehab.” The action starts at 9 in the morning, and a surprising amount of people show up to be among the first in line. It doesn’t take very long at all for the party to be at it’s maximum of 4000 bodies; Most of those bodies being of the young, hard and lean variety

   The prices are as follow: Men are 30 dollars, out off state women are 20 dollars, Nevada women get in for free, as do non-Nevada hot chicks, if they giggle, jiggle and flirt just a little. Paying visitors to the hotel are also free, regardless of their personal hotness.

  The hedonistic water celebration was probably first given national attention thanks to the Howard Stern Radio Show in 2003, and since then Rehab has been getting bigger and more depraved by the year. The area is 4.7 acres of crowded walkway and a similarly congested heated pool, but many of the employees prefer not to step foot in the man-made lagoon.

   “I’ve seen all kinds of crazy sh*#t going on in there. Vivid (the pornography distributors) used to have their girls here all the time. They’d always have some crazy-ass 5 on 1 sex act going on in the pool. It was fascinating to watch, but I won’t even put my foot in there now.” Said one Hard Rock employee.

    That particular bit of paranoia has not deterred the overwhelming majority of the patrons from enjoying the pool. While we were there, at least 2,000 people were frolicking in the chlorinated water. Some were getting smashed, some were splashing while others were flashing. Most of the crowd, made up of attractive twenty-somethings, is tanned, toned and tattooed. Dressed (or undressed) to be noticed, and generally inebriated out of their hot young gourds, these individuals are out to drink, dance, and express themselves openly and often sexually.

   It’s an even money bet that if you spot two attractive seemingly straight women dancing with each other at Rehab, that before the ear-splitting techno beat has pounded out it’s final thumping syncopation, the pair will be lip-locked in a passionate and demonstrative girl-on-girl make-out session.

   “Every Sunday is like Spring Break,” says another anonymous employee. “The stuff you see, and the money that gets thrown around is insane…30,000 dollar bar tabs, are pretty common. You get a guy buying top of the line champagne all day, and it gets pretty expensive real quick.”

   There are plenty of chairs, chaise lounges and even four post beds available at poolside, but the real players rent out their own cabanas for a few thousand dollars a day. Theses pricey shelters include cable TV, a refrigerator, fresh fruit and misters to cool things down.

   Rehab also offers a swim up blackjack table, and the DJ’s music is piped in under the water, but if you’re busy gambling, or spending any time at the bottom of the pool, then you’re missing what Rehab is all about; People watching, and people listening.

   The following are actual quotes that happened within a 1-minute span of time:

   “Dude, this place is so cool.”- guy who was  impressed by the coolness of the place.

   “Wooooooo!!! I am f#@cking wasted!” – wasted guy, who was responding to the guy who was so impressed by the place’s inherent coolness.

   “Want to see me my tits?”- girl with very big, and very enhanced tits.

   “Holy f#@ck! Did you just see those f#@cking tits?” – guy who was formerly impressed by the coolness of the place, but was suddenly even more taken by some plastic surgeon’s technique.

    The moral of this story is- there isn’t one. No one goes to the Hard Rock’s Rehab for morals. They go to see and be seen, to gyrate, and imbibe, to tease and tantalize. They go to show off their physiques, and they go to show off their bank accounts, and while many show up hoping to do a little breast stroke, no one goes to the Rehab to swim.